ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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