a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
