That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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