This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize