One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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