We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
