that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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