I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Are my feet made of real feet?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
