Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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