Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
