When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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