The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
