Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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