She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
