i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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