your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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