i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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