actually, I'm a sock model
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
