oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
