God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
