when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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