you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
