He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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