he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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