tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My cat gives me a boner
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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