I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
