you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
