well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
