i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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