So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize