Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
