his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
