Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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