did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
