We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
