I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
