I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
