you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
