I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
