Dual....:-)
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
