i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
