If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
