my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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