I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
