so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
