I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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