apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
