That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
