dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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