so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
