There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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