Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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