Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
