Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
