can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
