It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So vagazzling was a success
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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