I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
