dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize