What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
