I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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