It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
