A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
