Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
