i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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