Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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