i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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