the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
