Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
