YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
