you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this boner is exhausting
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
