I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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