But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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